You Knew
by qwerty1313
Summary: You knew from the very beginning that you would end up hurt.
1. Chapter 1

Spoilers for Season 6 I guess. episode 9 was devastating, and this was running through my head, so I decided to let it out. I've never really written (or published) in this style before, so I guess I'll just have to see how it goes.

_Disclaimer: Unfortunately, not all wishes come true, so I still don't own Bones. I do however own my brain (thank goodness) and the laptop that I am typing this on._

You knew. You knew from the very beginning that you would end up hurt. That's why you resisted him for so long. His attempts to break through your shell; tear down your walls. But eventually you let him in. you began to enjoy him, his company.

Before him, you were perfectly fine with being alone. In your mind, there was nothing wrong with it, because it was your choice. And then he came in and messed with your perspective and now all you feel is lonely.

You know it's mostly your fault. And that's what hits you the hardest. If you'd just said yes, given him just the slightest chance, there would probably be no Hannah. You would have him forever, just like he once promised.

Now you go through the motions, finally realizing that was what you were doing before he came along, so isn't it fitting that you're doing it again now that he's left. You haven't seen him in weeks. Your interns now go to all crime scenes, and he never comes to the lab for updates.

You hate yourself because even though he's hurting you, you would give almost anything to see him, even for just a couple of seconds. Or to have him come in and check in on you. Make sure that you are eating enough and getting home at a decent hour.

You know you've lost weight. A considerable amount. You immerse yourself in your work, and it lessens the pain for a little while. And now you have no one to make sure you're taking care of yourself.

You haven't been to your apartment in three days, preferring instead the couch in your office for what little sleep you're getting.

You watch everyone around you become busier and busier with their own lives, while yours is crumbling to the ground. You haven't seen your best friend in over a week. Angela rarely comes into the lab anymore, focusing on her coming baby, and Hodgins is with her whenever he can be. Cam is busy helping Michelle with her college applications, and even Sweets has Daisy.

You're being left behind, and you can't help but think of your childhood. You know it's not the same. That if you really wanted to, you could see your friends, but you're just too tired to put in the effort.

You're tired all the time now. You don't sleep more than four hours in a night, the nightmares you can never remember once you are conscious keeping you from getting anywhere near enough sleep. All you know is that they have something to do with him.

You've built your walls up again, but they seem feeble, weak, compared to the ones you had before him. You feel so much now that sometimes it is hard to pretend that you feel nothing at all.

Up until now, you've stayed away from alcohol, knowing in the end it will only make you feel worse. But you saw him today for a second, just as he was heading out of the door to the lab. You figure he must have been talking to Clark, who was the intern of the day. And he looked fine. Normal. And that was worse than anything else.

So now you sit on your kitchen floor with an expensive bottle of vodka in your hands, thinking, deciding.

And then you've decided, and as you take that first burning gulp, the only thing running through your mind is _fuck it._

A/N: I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this or not. But reviews are a great motivator, and they also make my day!

I just edited this chapter, because after reading over it again, I realized i made a slight grammatical error. Sorry!


	2. Chapter 2

I would like to thank An Emerald Sunrise and blueskyecloud9 for the reviews. They really helped me write this next chapter.

Disclaimer in Chapter 1

CHAPTER 2

You woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, realizing after looking at the clock that ironically, this was the most sleep you'd gotten in a month. You heave yourself up off the floor, and after a brief moment of nausea, you take in your surroundings.

There is an empty bottle of grey goose on the floor, and a few newspapers and scientific journals scattered around the living room. After another glance at the clock, you realize you only have forty minutes to get to work.

After taking some Tylenol for your aching body, you take a quick shower, throw some clothes on, and head to the Jeffersonian.

You walk into the building with your head down, suddenly feeling guilty for last night's binge. You note that Cam's light is on in her office, but nobody else is around. Not that you really want anyone around you at the moment.

You check to see if there is anything you can do for any of the open cases, and after reassuring yourself that there is nothing the interns can't handle, you head down to Limbo, taking refuge in the solitude of the thousands of unnamed bones.

You are working on the remains of a young girl, trying not to let yourself get emotional over the obvious signs of abuse on the fragile bones

You found healed fractures that indicated that whoever it was that was hurting the girl, they were doing it over a long period of time. You take a moment to draw a line between yourself and the bones you are working on, reminding yourself again that you need to distance yourself.

After hours of pouring over the remains, you file away all the evidence you could find for the little girl and headed upstairs.

* * *

Booth

He'd been avoiding the Jeffersonian like the plague, he wasn't going to try to deny it. He knew that after her confession in the car, their relationship would change. And he _was _with Hannah now. He loved her. But it still was a blow to his heart when Bones started sobbing in his car. There was no way to please everybody, and so it was her that got hurt.

He'd had to stop himself countless times from seeing her. Making sure she was okay. He tried to convince himself that she was fine, and that it was no longer his duty. He had a girlfriend now, and _she_ was his responsibility now, not Bones.

Every day he had to tell himself to forget about her. To focus on his relationship. To stop worrying about someone that he had no right to worry about like he did constantly. His only relief was the knowledge that she still had her friends. They were still there for her, and she didn't need him. And he tells himself for the thousandth time that he doesn't need her, in hope that this time it will be true.

A/N: Don't worry, the angst is far from over. I probably won't be very quick with the updates though, because school starts tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

I want to say thank you to An Emerald Sunrise for catching an error I made last chapter. (Don't worry, I fixed it).

Disclaimer is in the first chapter

CHAPTER 3

You were always waiting for him to leave. Even after years had passed, there was still that little voice in the back of your head that kept saying he was going to leave you just like everyone else had. But the more you got to know him, the more you silenced that voice. 'It's Booth, you would tell yourself. He's not like everyone else. He would never do that to me'. But then he did. And now you don't know what to do.

You want to be mad at him. Angry for making you trust, and then taking it all away, leaving you with your damaged armor that doesn't fit quite as well as it used to. You can't just go back to how you were before, because he changed you. You want to be mad, but all you are is sad and miserable.

You've though more than once about leaving. Either going on a dig or leaving the Jeffersonian altogether. But you know that wouldn't help, when all you want is to have him give you a second chance, and take you back.

You hate feeling so dependent on a man, even if it is him. The old you is mocking this weak pathetic version of you, saying 'this is why you never get too close'. It is ashamed that you are basing your happiness on someone else, and so are you, but you don't see your situation changing anywhere in the near future.

So as soon as you step through your front door, you head straight to your liquor cabinet, dropping your bag on the floor somewhere in between. You make a quick mental note that you're going to need to restock soon, before taking the same spot on the floor as the night before.

Every morning, you pick yourself up off the floor in the morning, drag yourself to work, stay until the early hours of the morning, go back home to drink yourself into a stupor, then repeat. You keep up this routine for about a week, until Friday.

* * *

Booth

He stopped by the Jeffersonian around lunch after Clark called him, telling him there was something important he needed to see. He says hello to the security guard on duty, and gets a small frown in return.

As he keys himself onto the platform, he sees that Clark isn't up there, but decides to go see Cam, who is examining a body. He is about to say something to Cam when movement in the corner of his eye causes him to turn.

And he sees her for the first time since that rainy night.

The first thing that pops into your mind is that she is _not_ okay. Something is very, _very_ wrong. She looks up at you in shock. Her face is deathly pale, her eyes blood-shot, and the large dark purple circles under her eyes make it look as if she hasn't slept in weeks. And the pain in her eyes makes your heart ache painfully. She opens her mouth like she is about to say something, but then closes it again.

He can see it in his mind before it happens, but he doesn't have a chance to shout out a warning to her before she turns around, running straight into the cart Clark is pushing.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I know I've taken SUCH a long time to update, but I don't want anyone thinking I've given up on this story. (Sorry it's so short).

Disclaimer in first chapter…

CHAPTER 4

You turn around and trip over the cart, barely managing to catch yourself on the edge. You start speed walking towards your office. You can hear Booth calling your name, but you don't stop or turn your head. The only thing going through your mind is that you need to get away from him. You don't want him to see you like this. You know you're a wreck. You retrieve the file you were looking for quickly, in case Booth has decided to follow you, and then you rush down to limbo, to the peace you've come to realize isolation brings.

It hurts. You try not to think about it, but you've been working for an hour, and he hasn't come. You remind yourself that you didn't want him to in the first place. You think back to how he used to be. He would always check up on you, to your annoyance. Making sure you ate, and got home at a decent time each night, and fussing over you if he thought you were hurt. Now he sees you run into that cart, and doesn't make sure you're okay. He doesn't want to see you, you realize, and that comprehension is devastating.

You work through three more sets of remains before you look up at the clock. It's two in the morning, and you are exhausted, both physically and mentally. For the first time in a week, you don't go home, consciously choosing instead to avoid the temptation of the new bottle of vodka waiting for you at home. As you lay down on your couch, you try to block out the negative thoughts swirling around in your head. You know you need to get back to your old self, you just don't know how to do it. It is Saturday morning, and you decide that when you wake up, you will go for a run in the park. Something you've been neglecting to do for quite some time. It won't solve everything, but at least it's a start.


End file.
